Diggs Harrington vs. People Paula

Diggs vs. Paula, Round 1: Singing

diggsvspaula — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 00:03:04 +0000

Diggs takes this one with a knockout in the first 3 seconds. The fight leaves viewers wondering, “How did Paula even get in the ring?”

Round 2: Shooting stuff. Or maybe doing math.

Fine, then I’m gonna sing, ya jerk.

diggsvspaula — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 19:34:28 +0000

You had your chance, but you blew it, and thus you must be tortured. So this blog just became my bathroom mirror…..

Hostile Takeover

diggsvspaula — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 21:09:54 +0000

That’s right, I’m taking over this blog from you, Diggs. You never call, you never write. I just don’t know what happened to our blog relationship. Was it something I said? It usually is. So, from now on, I’m going to write crap about My Little Pony and Sex & the City under your name. How ya like them apples?

DIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

diggsvspaula — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 01:47:25 +0000

Are you dead?

Please respond.

Unless you’re dead.

My apollogeese:

diggsvspaula — Tue, 27 May 2008 23:59:08 +0000

Yo Diggs, I’ve been bad. I’ve been real bad. I haven’t posted that video I want to. Hell, I haven’t posted anything in days. Well, I’ve been writing for Defamer. Let me know what you think of my stuff there. Or don’t. You goon.

Re: Idol retardation

diggsvspaula — Fri, 23 May 2008 23:17:46 +0000

Paula,

I buy the whole “set-up” theory. The question for me is how did that dude get to the finals in the first place? I watched the show and he’s really nothing special in the vocal department. I think he would have been more suited for the Bachelor if you ask me. Dreamy yes, but do we really need another done up hair, beard sporting, Creed wannabe? I actually think they could combine the two shows. American Bachelor Idol. Maybe they bring all the previous Bachelors back and have them sing? Then they all have to make-out with one another. Too much?

I posted the new Weezer vid today. Too gimikey? Or just right? I thought it was cool–Diggs

In response to your letter of late….

diggsvspaula — Fri, 23 May 2008 22:20:24 +0000

That certainly is an interesting query. Let me answer it in 3 parts: Firstly, pubes anywhere are horrifying. As Clarence Thomas first taught us, pubic hair is the N-word of sheddable human parts – it is one of the last things on earth, like scorpions and uranium, that will make any man stop in his tracks and say, “Oh shit.”

As for a day-old log, I really cannot imagine any sane member of modern society leaving something like that in a toilet. Maybe you should stop letting homeless people use your bathroom.

Finally, and most importantly, what the hell is going on with American Idol? As I explained to you before the semi-finals, this season’s result has clearly been a set up. Every other reality show is rigged and/or fake, so I don’t know why it should surprise me here. After all, AI really just preys on the naivete and hopeless dreams of millions of children to make money. I still don’t know why no one is talking about the fact that they take $1 for every text vote, which means that viewers paid Fox $97 million just for the last episode. (Seriously, Star Search never would’ve dicked us around like that.)

The setup: Remember the early Hollywood episodes this season, when the judges were all up in David Archuleta’s ass, telling him he was going to win? Sure you do. But then, when 8 or so contestants remained, something magical happened: The producers realized he was only 17 and maybe a little retarded. His combination of whisper-singing and constant crying may have given the record producers (among them the judges and producers of American Idol) a reason to switch horses mid-race. Suddenly, stories started getting leaked to the press about David Cook, his health problems and his brother with cancer (who was more than featured in the last few episodes). The judges began to favor Cook, seemingly pushing him toward at least 3 generations of women at once. Simon prided himself on his discovery: “Cook and Cowell win the night!” Finally, it was down to two: Regardless of the performances, Cowell had clearly agreed to throw the votes with his excessive criticism. He lashed out at Cook, calling on his own well-established persona as the snooty British bad cop to throw sympathy toward the singer he believed would sell more records out of the gate. And it worked. Every sad little girl across America put down her teddy bear and picked up her cell phone to vote for David Cook.

Where the scheme unraveled for me was when, right before the results were announced, Simon gave David Cook an apology speech that was clearly pre-planned and came from a place of sheer hubris. Simon could not fully throw the fight: Knowing that Cook had done better than he had claimed, Simon had to make it known that he wasn’t a tone deaf fool, and gave some lame excuse for why he had been so harsh. Also, since he now owns David Cook, he knew he couldn’t send his workhorse out with whip marks all over him; ultimately, the world needs Simon-the-judge’s approval to buy Simon-the-producer’s CD. What I’m saying is, it’s like some kind of mass psychological programming and it’s starting to freak me out.

Hope that answers your question.

Love, People Paula

How to leave your mark

diggsvspaula — Thu, 22 May 2008 01:20:00 +0000

Dear Paula,

Today was a great day. I cleaned my room. I did my laundry. And i finally disposed of my pubes without leaving them for my roommate to see.

What do you think is worse? Pubes on a toilet seat or a day old log in an unflushed toilet?

Thoughts?